I'm really getting sick of everything right now. One piece of crap-cake after the other, and it's a seemingly ongoing perpetual cycle of getting up and either falling down or finding yet another cushion of quicksand beneath your feet that's more than happy to envelop you. They always say that if it's not one thing it's another...or if it's not that it's your mother. In my case if it's not the monkey on my back it's her riding my ass, most of the time while she enjoys rubbing my nose in my recent lacking financial situation that's left me broken and high strung these past few weeks. And if that doesn't make it bad enough while adding school and work into the mix, I have ACen to contend with as well. One costume that hasn't come in yet (waiting for it to come all the way from China, woo-frickin'-hoo!), but it's not so much that as it is that I don't have the funds to start working on anything at my current disposal.
Then there's the matter of just people in general. I'm tired of people wishing their life was perfect when for years they've done nothing right by themselves or anyone else that should have mattered to make it better. I'm tired of people not listening but who still ask for advice, and frankly I'm just tired of talking sometimes. I'm sick of being filled with good intentions for the wrong people and taking for granted the few kindnesses still offered to me anymore...and some days I really wish I could just lower my expectations of others while still keeping myself motivated to do what needs to be done.
I really don't care if I'm not good enough for someone, or not their idea on what I should be or what they'd like me to be. My choices and experiences have shaped me into someone I'm actually proud to be. I'm sick of not being able to trust words or promises, and worse yet I'm sick of always falling for them when I know I should know better.
And I'm scared that my sisters and brother who don't know any better are going to grow up thinking that they're not good enough for anything and take the first turn out of this life into something they're not going to be able to get themselves out of and that I won't be able to help them with.
I'm tired of people who don't want to listen;
I'm tired of people who don't care;
I'm tired of people who won't even try;
I'm sick of people who can't see the truth;
I hate people who make the undeserving their greatest victims;
and I despise people who are not willing to be strong for themselves, because they will never realize the people around them that they fail...

But, you know...then you wake up and you realize that no matter what, no matter how traumatizing a situation is, or how overwhelming an oncoming ordeal may seem, all you can do is take everything one step at a time. And if you think of it correctly, in those prospects, a slow and steady process of action is what you need to realize that slowly and surely you are guaranteed to take control of so long as you do what you know you need to do.
And the only person you should strive to be is the kind of person you wish to be. Most of us will never reach a level of intelligence or enlightenment in which we are willing to reflect on ourselves and realize that correcting most of the issues in our life means acknowledging our own faults and that we are doing things wrong; and taking the time and energy to do what it takes to make things right.
And sometimes it's okay to cry until your head throbs in pain, but in the end you feel better even if you can't differentiate between the paint and the pictures on the wall or you can't see colors anymore, or you just pass out in general because the strain on your emotions has been so exhausting...

There are plenty of people worse off than the person writing this, or any one reading it for that matter as well. I know despite it all I really have no right to complain because no one person, instance, or thing can explain the human condition, we can only revel in the general populace's stupidity and hope to God when we make mistakes it's not televised or printed in a magazine.

And this journal really went no where,
I suppose I'm just making no sense, but what's new?